


Weightlifting

by iceprinceofbelair



Series: Lupin Ficlets [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Marauders' Era, Stress, Vulnerability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-21
Updated: 2015-01-21
Packaged: 2018-03-08 13:24:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3210701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iceprinceofbelair/pseuds/iceprinceofbelair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The stress of schoolwork and hopelessness of the future is weighing heavily on Remus' mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Weightlifting

Remus hasn’t eaten all day.

The others are at a loss for what to do. They know he’s been stressed with OWLs coming up but this goes beyond that and it would seem that even the very mention of an exam makes him feel physically sick. Sirius used to joke that McGonagall would get a shock when they passed with flying colours without ever doing a spot of work but he doesn’t do that anymore because, when he does, Remus  gets unnaturally quiet and stares at his books without reading them.

He’s not been well recently. The full moon has thrown him all out of whack but usually he’s back on his feet by now. It’s been a week. At this rate, he’ll still be exhausted by the time next month rolls around. He’s barely touched his food the past few days and Peter actually caught him _skipping class_ yesterday. He’d claimed a stomach-ache and holed up in Gryffindor tower for the remainder of the afternoon. Something was up. Something was very, very up.

It’s only that night when Remus is still awake after Sirius jerks out of a particularly violent nightmare – he’s been having them a lot recently and he’s not quite sure why – and that he starts to really worry. Remus barely registers him which is odd in itself because he’s more of a worrywart than James half the time.

“Remus?” He whispers hoarsely and Remus jumps as though only just noticing there are three other people in the room with him. Sirius can’t help but notice how pale and drawn he looks. His hair is mussed like he’s been running his fingers through it and he keeps rubbing at his neck like he does when he’s nervous. Sirius frowns.

“Remus?” He tries again because he’s not sure Remus has even noticed that he hasn’t said anything. But still nothing. He’s just…looking at him.

Cautious of waking the others, Sirius slips silently out of bed and crosses the room to where Remus is sitting by the window. Sirius can see the remnants of tear tracks on his face and his heart clenches painfully. This isn’t fair. Remus already has to go through enough without whatever this extra burden he’s carrying happens to be.

Sirius holds out a hand. Remus stares at it blankly for a moment before he remembers himself and accepts, allowing Sirius to pull him up to stand. He wobbles for a moment until he finds his balance and Sirius wonders how long it’s been since he ate or slept properly. There are books strewn across Remus’ bed leaving absolutely no room for him. Sirius wonders how long he’s been at it.

He takes him down to the common room.

They collapse onto the couch by the fire and Sirius gently guides Remus to lie down with his head nestled in his lap. It’s been ages since they’ve done this and usually their roles are reversed but Remus doesn’t object. Sirius threads his fingers through Remus’ hair gently and is thankful to feel him relax under his touch.

“You’re going to work yourself to an early grave, Moony,” he says sadly. Remus says nothing. Sirius says, “What’s gotten you so worked up, hm?”

Remus tenses a little at the question.

“S’nothing,” he says.

Sirius frowns. “We both know that’s not true. You’ve barely eaten and Merlin only knows when you last slept.”

“I just-“ Remus sighs and closes his eyes. His voice takes on a heavier quality and Sirius wonders just how long he’ll fight it before he inevitably bursts into tears. “It’s so hard. It’s- it’s so hard seeing the point when it won’t make any difference if I do well or not because-“

He doesn’t finish. He doesn’t have to. Sirius knows exactly what he means and it fucking sucks but, unfortunately, there’s nothing they can do to lighten this load. They can love him and care for him and make him laugh and defend him with their lives but, regardless of how genuine and kind he is, Remus will always be a werewolf.

After a moment, he goes on. “I want you all to be proud of me. I want to fight to be taken seriously, to be considered on equal footing but I’m just so _tired_.”

Remus bites his lip and Sirius knows he’s close to giving in. He looks up at Sirius with such desperation in his eyes that Sirius wonders how anyone could ever think their gentle Moony was evil.

“I’ve got so much to do,” Remus says and Sirius thinks of the heaps of homework they’ve been buried under. “And no energy to do it. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t-“

Sirius hears the crack in his voice and has only a moment to prepare himself before the tears start. With well-practiced ease, Sirius guides Remus to sit and pulls him into a tight embrace in one swift movement. He doesn’t shush him, he doesn’t say anything. Remus needs this. He needs to learn to let it out. Sirius simply rubs his back and lets him hold on tight.

Through his tears, Remus babbles. Sirius doesn’t pick up on most of it but what he does hear absolutely breaks his heart. Remus doesn’t think he’s enough, doesn’t think he can be the man he wants to be. Remus thinks it’s his fault that he can’t control the madness within. Remus is afraid – afraid of sleeping rough and transforming all alone because they’ll all have jobs and families and they can all do so much better than him.

By the time he’s stopped crying, Sirius has had a little sob to himself too.

“We’ll always be here for you, Moony,” he promises, rubbing his cheek on the top of Remus’ head. “No matter what.”

There’s a shuffling noise behind him and Sirius turns to find James standing at the foot of the stairs, looking worried. Sirius shoots him a tired smile. James crosses the floor cautiously and takes a seat on Remus’ other side, wrapping one arm around his waist and pressing right up against him.

(Remus is quite difficult to comfort. Sometimes, he needs to be alone and he needs to go for midnight walks through the grounds and feel the cool air rush around him. He needs to feel free. But other times, like tonight, he’s been trying to go it alone for far too long and what he needs more than anything is to be held and comforted and enclosed. He needs to shut the world out and surround himself, quite literally, with people who understand.)

“Moony, Moony, Moony,” James sighs in mock exasperation. “You keep us together. Without you, we’d fall apart.”

Sirius grins. “You’re the voice of reason.”

“You’re pretty much the only reason we haven’t been expelled,” James adds with a grin. “And, as for your furry little problem- well, how about we leave our doors open after the full moon, huh?”

“No matter where you are-“

“-or what you’re doing-“

“-you’ll always be safe with us.”

Remus looks like he might start crying all over again.

“Come on,” James whispers, squeezing him softly. “Let’s get some sleep.”

Remus swallows, thinking of the homework he’s still to do. “But, what about-“

“Don’t worry about that,” James grins, practically reading his mind. “I’ve got it under control.”

Remus doesn’t have the energy to ask what that means. He heads upstairs with the two of them flanking him closely and collapses onto his bed which has been cleared of books and parchment. Sirius tucks him in and, on another day, it might have been cheesy and stupid but the three of them know that this is what Remus needs. Nobody laughs.

Not even Peter’s snores can spoil the moment when Sirius strokes his hair again and says softly, “We love you, Moony.”

And James’ voice drifts over from where he’s disappeared behind Remus’ half-finished essay, scribbling furiously. “And don’t you forget it.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was written to express my frustration with my current mindset so, again, apologies for any inelegant expressions.


End file.
